could it get any worse

we often ask this.or i know i do.
but then it seems just as i think it cant it does.how does this happen. what is bottom.what is as bad as it gets.can you never ever say things cant get worse than this because you can indeed go low and lower until your dead.is that when enough is enough.
im always wishing for some kind of explanation.why people go through things.
people say god does things for a reason.and i cant help but thinking why put ceritan people through ceritan pains.we say to make them stronger,change things.make peopleudnersatand or better for it.but i feel guilty to hom for also asking why.why the pain to help people change.see or be different or stronger.cant we get it in another way.
or is it we somehow deserve these bad things.if they keep happening is it becaue we are bad,need bad things then to happen.but then some bad people dont get bad happen.they get away with it.or do they,do they get their cumupponce i nthe after life.who knows.do i beleive in the afterlife.oh my gawsh so many questions with not one answe.
is there ever an aswer to anything.because everyone has their own interprutations on everything,with everyone thinking different with a diffferent answer so can we ever have an actual answer.
oh my gosh my head has totally turned into mush.
but that is indeed how it feels today.mush.so full of questions.mush.so full of fear.mush.im jst a big mush today,and i wonder can it really get in worse.yes.and i think and i fear and im petirfied its going to and when.can i go on to cope.i jsut dont know anymore.as it all veyr hard indeed.

i thank the people i do have though.the ones that stroke my head that cuddle me close and never let go.they are the ones that keep me breathing.whether i want to or not.im here for them.becuase i love the,