once again

so its already been a long time since my last post.i feel like i shouldnt.i have nothing interesting to ruight or for anyone.does it help me.i dpont no.the fact its out there nowhere to be found does i guess feel ok.though i would never be able to be completly honest just incase,so is there a point,am i just wasting vital bytes in the pc world:)
its been xmas since i last posted.we had lots of stuff happening.went down to my g-dids where the whole fmaily gathered.it was intense.lovely but the intensity overwhelmed the other stuff to be honest.mum was there for me so much.once again my appreciation for her grows.
we stayed the ngiht.it remeinded me of a time when gran was still there and shed leave a glass os ribena outside our dear for the mornign on a tea tray.i miss her,and wish she would come back sometimes.would she help.would she save me.is this wishful thikning.

the day after boxing day they all then trundled up to our house.we had 20 odd round the table plying a rather too competitive game of cranium.of course our team won.
i had a tough time that day.i thought the end was nigh i truly did.
im fed up of this feeling.of these thoughts.

ive let people down again.i destroyed something that wasnt mine to destroy.before i saw it as something i had to rid of,because it symbolised sutff.but now i see.its cluicked it wasnt mine it was a gift that wasnt mine.i gift for an another not for me,a gift.its different somehow.

this is a very confsuing post. a bit like where my head is at.a bundled u mess of things that go round together but dont fit enough to make sense.

i do love crhismtas,underneath all he darkness the human me still loves this time.though ive spotted the first easter stuff already!!

my friend came round to.shes been great.seen her mre than i have ever i think this holiday time and its been really nice too.
all lvoe in the air tongiht,until i fucked up.

me and dad worked wonders on the leftover turkey and made it into a pie with lots of leeks,sweetcorn and carrots.we worked so nicely togehter i really enjoyed it.all wit music on loud in the background.

brother really poorly.tonsels.yuk.i bought him some goodies from the shiop

got ahsamed and embaressed in front of sister.she must really hate me.i no.i.do...